Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
