A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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