So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
