trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
whose parrot is this?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how drunk are you?
Several
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
