...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
