For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
