She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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