Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
