he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
