you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone shit on the floor
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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