if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
