Only a mothe r could love this liver
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ttyl tear gas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
