I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
