I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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