Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we're making bets on your personal life
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
