you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
