I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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