therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
