is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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