who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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