this beer tastes like vomit already
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
