you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize