can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
