Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
