im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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