OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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