Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
