The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
