i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am naked and annoyed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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