You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
