Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
