I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
