I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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