so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
