we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
