My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
