i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
