omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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