She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
