i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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