I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
