Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
