Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm too high and old for this...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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