Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
