I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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