"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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