John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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