If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
