so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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