Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
