I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
