if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
