this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Boobs are out for the taking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
