Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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