im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
