I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
