Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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